


Hell Day

by icarusforgotten



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Alex goes cray cray, Gen, Humour, I Tried, but we all love him, prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2015-12-29
Packaged: 2018-05-10 06:49:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5575492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icarusforgotten/pseuds/icarusforgotten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alexander Armstrong at the gym on leg day is a day that Edward wishes he can permanently forget. And avoid.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hell Day

**Author's Note:**

> There were 2 prompts asking for our one and only Alex Armstrong on leg day. Let me know if this gave you a giggle.

“I keep telling you, Fullmetal, not to let your emotions get in the way of the job! That wasn’t your jurisdiction!”

Ed slammed his hands on Mustang’s bureau. “I’m not gonna just sit by when some kid gets beaten to a pulp by his shitty drunk of an old man, you arrogant, hot-headed –”

“Who are you calling hot-headed, pipsqueak?”

“Call me pipsqueak one more time!”

It was barely ten minutes into the afternoon and they were already at each others’ throats.

Ed wasn’t backing down. He knew he did the right thing. Jurisdiction or not, he wasn’t gonna heel to the military like some well-trained mutt. When he saw someone who needed help, he was damn well gonna help them.

Mustang rubbed at his temples, forcing out a steady breath. “Look,” he said, “if you keep this up, the higher ups will think that I can’t handle you and you’ll be reassigned to Fury. I’m well aware that neither of us want that, so would you _please_ for heaven’s sake take your orders seriously for once?”

Ed crossed his arms. He didn’t have to take any of this. His alchemy was strong enough to go after Fury. He just needed the right opportunity.

“You know Fury’s just itching to get you under his thumb. It’s exactly what he wants. Don’t be so much of a stubborn idiot to play directly into his hand.”

Well. Mustang did have a point. Maybe.

Regardless of the consequences, Ed wasn’t going to just stand by and watch an innocent kid get hurt by someone who was supposed to protect him. “Shit, Mustang, it was his old man, okay? His _old man_! What the hell was I supposed to do, just walk away?”

“Yes.”

He looked Mustang dead in the eye. “Yeah, well Fury can come after me himself if that’s how it’s gotta be.” He knew it was the truth, though. And that’s what stung the most. That’s why Ed would keep fighting till they had him tied down for insubordination. He wasn’t giving up on this world. No matter how many times it kicked him down. He’d get back right up and kick back. Even at the risk of his own life.

Mustang sighed. “What the hell am I going to do with you, Fullmetal?”

“Pfft. Why don’t you ask Major Armstrong to pull that stick out of your ass? Maybe you can use it to discipline me.”

“Listen here you brat –”

Ed cocked his head. Mustang cut himself off mid-sentence. And he had a manic gleam in his eyes. This didn’t look good.

“Actually,” said the Colonel, “that’s not such a bad idea.”

\--

“That’s cold, Colonel, even for you!”

“You had it coming, you shitty brat.”

Ed’s discipline involved spending the day with Major Armstrong. At the _gym_. If he got out of this alive, he promised to start filtering that damned mouth of his. Of all the ideas he could have put into Mustang’s head, it just had to be something with that overly enthusiastic bundle of muscles.

“Oh, and Fullmetal?” Mustang leaned down as they approached the Major’s office, mouth close to his ear. “It’s leg day.”

Ed felt his stomach drop.

The door swung open. They hadn’t even knocked.

“Edward Elric! I thought my ears had deceived me when the Colonel called to inform me that you wished to devote a day to fitness with your mentor!” Armstrong wrapped Ed up in an enormous hug, lifting him off the ground.

“M-m-mentor?!”

“Oh, yes, Fullmetal. I happily took the liberty to inform the Major just how much you _admire_ his hard work and dedication to our military,” said Mustang. “I spared no detail.”

“Mustang, you – _mph_!” Ed’s threat was muffled against Armstrong’s chest. If the Major hugged him any tighter he was going to deflate.

“No need to thank me, Fullmetal,” said Mustang, walking away. “It’s all part of the job.” He didn’t even wait until turning the corner before cackling with glee. Mustang was gonna pay for this.

“It’s always so much more exciting to have a gym buddy, don’t you agree?”

“Actually, Major Armstrong sir . . .”

The Major set him down, looking at him with great excitement. It wasn’t often that people spent time with Armstrong. And for good reason, Ed conceded. Not many people had the stamina to keep up with Major Armstrong. Especially not on leg day.

He was going to hate himself for this tomorrow.

“I’ve been looking forward to this for a while now!” Ed finished lamely. 

Armstrong let out a joyous laugh, clapping Ed hard on his back. It sent him flying.

Luckily, the floor broke his fall.

 --

Armstrong was generally a sweet-natured man. Sure, he was loud and overly excitable. But that’s what added to his charm. At least that’s what most people told themselves, to fight the guilt at whatever excuse they threw at Armstrong to get away from him as fast as they could.

Not that Major Armstrong minded. He was confident in his happiness. People had busy lives, and he understood when they couldn’t make time for him.

Major Armstrong was one of the most easy-going people Ed had ever come across.

Except, of course, in battle.

And at the gym.

On leg day.

“You call that a _squat_?! Bend your knees! Come on, Elric! Sink that rump into the floor!”

It hadn’t even been ten minutes, and Ed’s muscles were screaming for mercy. The barbell was heavy against his shoulders, and he struggled to keep his balance.

“You dare disgrace the sanctity of leg day with such mediocre effort?” The saliva spewed from Armstrong’s mouth and onto his face. “For shame, elder Elric!”

His only saving grace was Winry’s sturdy automail design. His organic leg was about to give out under him.

“There is too much space between you and the flor!” A heavy hand slammed into Ed’s back, adding to the merciless weight of the barbell, and sent him plummeting through the floor. You’d think with someone as vigorously dedicated to working out as Amrstrong frequenting the gym that the military would have reinforced the gym floors with titanium. Or at least something other than flimsy wooden floors.

“Major . . . ” Ed croaked, arms flailing .

“Are you not a _man_?! Pull yourself out and grab the heaviest weight you can find! We need to work harder on strengthening that measly little leg of yours!”

Sometime before the room started spinning and getting darker Ed made a mental note to never get in Mustang’s path again. At least not where Armstong was concerned.


End file.
